Earlier in this blog, I spoke of my family's failed experiments with the infamous Epilady. There's another funny story involving this same Nameless Relative that still brings me to my knees with laughter.
NR was home watching television when an infomercial for the Abtronic came on. Intrigued and dangerously bored, he decided to order this device. For those not in the know, the Abtronic is one of those electronic muscle stimulators that's supposed to help you tone up while you're just lying in front of the TV. After the promised 3-4 weeks, the Abtronic arrived. NR greedily opened the package, glossed over the instructions, assembled his Abtronic, applied the contact jelly and wrapped it around his stomach. The instructions said to start at a low setting until you figured out the best setting for yourself. NR blatantly ignored this and set it to one of the higher settings. WHAM!!! NR immediately doubled up as he felt like he was getting kicked in the stomach over and over. He tried to pull off the Abtronic, but all that did was get his fingers covered in contact jelly. He started to panic. "Oh no, she's going to come home and I'm going to be lying electrocuted on the sofa!" Finally, he was able to wrench the little motor off the Abtronic (which detaches for just this reason, I believe) so he was able to breathe again.
Of course, after hearing all of this, I had to try the device myself. (I know-brilliant, eh?) He set it on a very low setting for me. It barely vibrated my stomach but tickled so much that I keeling over with laughter. He slowly increased the setting. I told him I failed to see how it could have made him seize up so. With an evil grin, he set it to the Karate Chop setting. OW! It literally felt like a doctor using his reflex hammer to hit you in the middle of your stomach. That was the first and last time I used that product, though NR tried to use it for a while longer.
In another bad move involving infomercials (and hair removal; see Epilady above), I purchased a product whose name now escapes me. It was a tube full of a soft, waxy product. Ostensibly, you squeezed out some product, rolled it in a ball and then spread it over the area you wanted hair removed from. You were supposed to firmly yank off the product, re-roll it and then spread it on the next area.
We all know women who've had bad experiences with home waxing. It seems to me that we all attempt waxing on the most horrible place first - either bikini area or armpits. So of course I spread my little ball of wax over my armpit and attempted to yank it off. YEOWCH!!!! Oh my - that was the worst pain I've ever felt! The product was now firmly attached to my skin, since I was all heated up from the pain of removal. I tried to melt the product off by soaking in a tub. No dice. I tried scrubbing it off with soap and HOT water. Still no dice. I ended up having to pull gobs of this taffy-like substance off my armpit. It hurt so much I had to keep taking breaks so I could face the pain again. I finally got it all off - and ALL of my armpit hair was still firmly attached to my body. Grrrr.... Now, I leave waxing to the professionals.
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