Our First Letter to TPS!!!

Dear Product Slut:

I know you said you love infomercials, so I was wondering what you think of ProActiv. Have you tried it? What do you think? ~ Skinquisitive in CA


OH yes, TPS does love her infomercials. She bought the Lori Davis hair care line (yes, the stuff promoted by Cher). She is currently captivated by the Magic Bullet commercials, but has successfully restrained herself from buying it (so far). But we digress...

TPS has indeed tried ProActiv. Before she purchased the starter kit, TPS surveyed her friends and relatives who had also tried it. One positively adored it; using the complete system in conjunction with her bareVitamins from I.D. resulted in clear, beautiful skin. Another loathed it, since the high concentration of benzoyl peroxide bleached all her wash cloths and bed linens. Armed with knowledge, TPS took the plunge and called in her order.

The products arrived speedily. The packaging is simple yet effective. TPS was encouraged. She began the 3-step regimen of Renewing Cleanser, Revitalizing Toner and Repairing Lotion. After a week, TPS realized that this was not the product line for her. Perhaps if she were still in her 20s, the whole regimen would have worked for her, as her skin then was oilier. Currently, she is more concerned with her fine lines and combination skin and the whole regimen just proved too drying, even with extra moisturizer and sunblock. The ProActiv regimen is really for problem acne, not semi-regular small breakouts.

TPS was still fretting, since despite her drier skin she was getting these enormous under-the -skin pimples on her chin (which was why she had tried ProActiv to begin with. She never had such zits as a teen or twenty-something). Fortunately, the ProActiv 30 day trial came with a bonus - the Refining Mask. Not a mask in the traditional sense, TPS relies on this as a spot treatment. She applies it to a monster chin zit after her night-time cleansing, leaving it on for 10 minutes. By morning, the monster chin zit is greatly diminished if not entirely gone. It is pretty fantastic. She also uses the Repairing Lotion for smaller blemishes.

Once her tube of Refining Mask is gone, TPS will revert to her other reliable spot treatment - The Burt's Bees Parsley Blemish Stick. Unfortunately, ProActiv wants you to buy the complete system to get any of their products and TPS does not want to go back down that road.

Do you have experience with ProActiv? Do you disagree with this assessment? Do you have another skin care regimen you'd like to rave about? TPS wants to hear from YOU! Feel free to comment here or email her at theproductslut@yahoo.com.

Have a lovely evening!

Beauty Blunders

Oh yes. Everyone has them. Everyone also loves to revels in the beauty mishaps of others. To that end, TPS would LOVE to hear your stories. Submit your most cringe-worthy moments to theproductslut@yahoo.com and she will publish them here. Don't worry - TPS may be a marketer's dream, but she abhors spam and will never share your email address with anyone. She will also give you anonymity!

TPS promised her former roommate (and dear, dear bunny) that she would finally make public his favorite TPS beauty blunders, so here they are:

The Epilady Stories

With few exceptions, women have consistently searched for a 'better mousetrap', also known as 'long-lasting, painless body hair removal'. What some of us will do for hair-free legs and underarms! Well, la mère de TPS is no exception.

In the 90's, Maman purchased the Epilady. An electronic device designed to replace other methods of hair removal, it promised that, with repeated use, the hair would eventually cease to grow back. Well, if Maman was game, so was TPS!

After reading the instructions in their entirety, TPS sat on the floor and hunched over her right ankle. Moving the vibrating coiled springs in the recommended small circular motion, TPS started to feel terrible stinging as each leg hair was ripped out by the root. (Imagine a necklace plucking out a few fine hairs at the nape of your neck. Now multiply that by 1000.) Determined to suffer any amount of pain for long-lasting smoothness, TPS kept at it, becoming only slightly alarmed by the teeny red welts that were appearing in the plucked areas. Then, out of nowhere, WHOOONNNNNNGGGGG!!! TPS shrieked. While focused on the intense pain in her leg, TPS had failed to notice that her long hair had fallen out of the clip and, while dangling near the Epilady, got caught in the coils. Fortunately for TPS, the Epilady is only meant to yank out very short hairs, so TPS just turned off the contraption and extracted her locks from it unharmed. That sound still haunts TPS to this day.

Lest anyone think that only women-folk are susceptible to such marketing claims, let us examine the case of a certain male TPS knows. (A certain male relative, no less!) The aforementioned Gentlemen Relative was going through a shaved head phase. He would first use the clippers, then follow with a regular razor and shaving cream for a totally smooth pate.

One afternoon, when none of the ladies of the house were home, Gentleman Relative thought that if the Epilady was supposed to keep legs smoother longer, surely it would do the same to his scalp. He went up to the bathroom and proceeded to yank out every hair on his head. While it worked, his whole head turned bright red and started pounding painfully.

Maman arrived home shortly, only to find Gentleman Relative lying prone and moaning on the sofa, a cold wet towel wrapped around his head. She dissolved in laughter when he explained the source of his pain. He never did so again.

Confidential to P.B.: Hope you're satisfied now!

"But it's sooo cuuute!" - Truth in packaging

Let's face facts. TPS is a complete sucker. She's a sucker for empty promises, for glossy magazine spreads, for new ANYTHING. (Just wait until she gets her mitts on Sugar Sugar, a new lip topping by Revlon. Lip topping? Curse you, Revlon!) Most of all, TPS cannot resist adorable packaging. First, Benefit Cosmetics got her. Then the clever names of Urban Decay, Too Faced and Hard Candy seduced her. But TPS could wax rhapsodic over all these products and she will. Oh, she will. But first, she must take a hard look at a beloved product line.

TPS has already stated her devotion to Bare Escentuals. That has not changed. However, there are certain truths that must be shared, and it's a big one. Bare Escentuals packaging leaves much to be desired.

The outer packaging is lovely. Great artwork on the eye kits, sleek black tops and clear tubs for the colors - it's quite nice at first glance. Unfortunately, bare Minerals are just not that portable.
The black lids loosen en route - especially on the eye shadows and sample size colors that come in the starter kits. TPS now has Soiree (a gorgeous goldy-green) all over the inside of her makeup bag, even though the jar never opened all the way. The powder minerals just... seep.

La soeur de TPS gave her a Bare Escentuals compact containing four glimmers. The compact is fabulous looking. It's rectangular 4 inch box with a push-button opener. A good sized mirror lines the entire inside of the compact and each loose shadow has its own snap-top container, reminiscent of those paint-by-numbers plastic paint tubs. It looks like it would be a very secure method of transporting loose powder makeup. Not remotely. The entire compact does not snap tightly closed and the colors seep profusely from under their individual snap-tops. Such a shame!

Hope is not entirely lost. The "Go Bare, Baby" collection is pure genius, not only in colors but the packaging is almost perfect. You get three sample size all-over face colors in Bare Radiance, Rose Radiance and Soft Focus Warmth, plus a Soft Focus face brush (the softest of all the Bare Escentuals brushes). All three powders and the brush sit inside a foam-core palette, with ribbons underneath to pull each product out of its form-fitted nest. The whole package is nice, heavy cardboard with a 3"x5" mirror in the cover. The box stays closed with magnets. As far as TPS is concerned, you pair this with the portable (and refillable!) compact of Mineral Veil and you're set for a long weekend. Just don't attempt to bring any eyeshadows across state lines without securely wrapping each one in tissue. According to the Sephora website, "Go Bare Baby" is perfect for "quick, on-the-go touchups", but unless you're carrying a huge purse all the time, a 4"X6" palette is hardly convenient.

TPS can only hope that I.D. starts taking portability into account as they continue selling billions of products.

Vernis à ongles

Lacquer. Nail lacquer. TPS likes it ever so much. Lacquer is just fun to say. How did TPS fall in love with the lacquer? It's a semi-long story...

Just this past Labor Day weekend, TPS found herself in Tucson, AZ. A Northern girl all her life, TPS does not generally enjoy stifling heat, so she spent as much time as she could in the pool or near air conditioning. A lovely lady friend suggested that they beat the heat by getting mani/pedis at a nearby salon. Now can you believe that prior to 8.31.06, TPS had NEVER had a pedicure in her ENTIRE life? (Shocking, but true.) Needless to say, she has scheduled them monthly ever since.

As you may have gathered, TPS is hardly a wilting flower, especially when it comes to color. At that first appointment, she chose OPI Black Onyx (glossy black) for her toes and China Glaze Gun Metal (a lovely pewter) for her fingers. She learned her first lesson of the mani/pedi: everyday life (ok, and a chlorine pool) wreaks havoc on your manicure, but any pedi worth its salt lasts a good month before chipping.

For her next appointment, TPS rounded up a couple of girlfriends and went to a nearby salon. Her eye was drawn to a most sparkly blue, lighter than royal blue but not nearly baby blue. One of her girlfriends selected another sparkle for her own toes, but in a lush, deep red - exactly the shade of Dorothy's ruby slippers. (TPS was positively green that she hadn't seen the color first, but does not begrudge her friends their beauty discoveries.) At work the next day, a co-worker admired the sparkly blue fingernails on TPS and asked the name of the color. TPS was HORRIFIED - she hadn't even LOOKED at the name! Honestly, clever color names are often a deciding factor when TPS picks new products. TPS immediately flew to the web and searched for China Glaze color names. It was here that LACQUER caught TPS in its sticky grip, forever altering her beauty vocabulary.

Conducting a myriad of of failed searches, TPS finally found what she was looking for. China Glaze had a collection of nail lacquers called "The Wizard of Ooh-Aahz". The sparkly blue was named "Dorothy Who?", after Dorothy's gingham pinafore. Her friend's sparkly red? "Ruby Pumps", of course!

Sadly, "Dorothy Who?" and the rest of the collection are discontinued. Only "Ruby Pumps" escaped to become a classic color for China Glaze. At about $3 per bottle, "Ruby Pumps" is the greatest glitter nail lacquer ever made. It creates a sumptuous glow instead of a glaring disco-ball finish. This is grown-up glitter, ladies - it's just that sexy! For best results, apply base coat, 2-3 color coats and a nice, thick top-coat. The top-coat prevents the glitter from feeling sandy. Another tip: plain old OPI clear coat is the best top-coat TPS has ever used. Her manicures last much longer when she uses it.

China Glaze, like OPI, has a really great brush that allows for even color application. It also costs much less than OPI, but that will hardly TPS from her beloved OPI Lincoln Park After Dark! Whew! All this talk about nail lacquer has got TPS all revved up for her manicure this weekend. TPS is also getting her first leg wax ever, so she will dutifully report upon her return.

Boba-rific!

As you will come to know over the next few months, TPS has somewhat of a drinking problem. Not so much in a "can't function without it" way, more in a "ooh, that looks like fun" way. Her old roomie used to joke that TPS would try every new flavor of soda before they even advertised it on TV. While TPS does enjoy a good cocktail, she'd like to focus on her current fascination: bubble tea.

For those not swayed by every new beverage that comes into the marketplace, bubble tea consists (at its most basic) of tea, sweetener and large black tapioca pearls called "boba". At most bubble tear purveyors, you can get a "milk tea"(half and half, flavored syrup and tea) or you can get it frozen with a Starbucks Frappucino type texture. You don't have to add boba, either. There are lots of different little jellies you could add, should you desire it. You can also get certain flavors with no half and half. This is a drink that is about texture more than flavor.

TPS very much enjoyed an Almond Milk Tea with boba now and again. That is, until she found out the caloric content of a 12 oz. bubble tea has about 300-500 calories. Much detective work was conducted to find any nutritional information about bubble tea and this number is still more vague than TPS would like. Urgh.

All is not lost to TPS and her Seattle-area boba lovers. Thank heavens for Koots Green Tea shops (locations in Bellevue and Seattle's Central District)! Koots focuses on healthier liquid beverages. They mostly use pure cane sugar as a sweetener and they have a wide assortment of green tea-based goodies. Currently their menu features four different bubble teas. TPS has not tried either latte-style (er, milk tea) bubble tea, but the jasmine pearl tea is excellent. It's just lightly-sweetened jasmine green tea and boba. The other non-milk tea is a mint green (the mint is regular DaVinci Menthe Syrup). TPS does not care for mint beverages, so she won't try it - but her co-worker loved it. Koots is a great little shop with lots of fun tea accoutrements, so TPS wishes them much success.

Can you collect a hotel chain?

Ever since TPS relocated from New York City to the Seattle area, she simply cannot get enough of the McMenamins chain of brewpubs and hotels. This is somewhat of a shock as TPS had poo-poo'd chain restaurants in the past. (TPS would just like to note that as an American, of COURSE she has patronized chain restaurants. One cannot totally avoid them - even in Stockholm. The Swedes LOVE TGIFriday's!)

For those not fortunate enough to have experienced a McMenamins, TPS would love to lay a little history on you, but she MUST direct you to their gem of a website. There, you can find out the McMenamin Brothers grand plan, from quirky little brew pubs to grand hotels (check out the Grand Hotel in Oregon). Suffice to say, they find older buildings and turn them into fun places to hang out with friends and family, yet retaining the original flavor of the building. Each pub and hotel is different in decor, but they feature similar menus and their famous craft beers. (They have Tots on the menu! Tater Tots! TPS is spoiled indeed.) The hotels share some similar features, like brew pubs and movie theaters, but each has something special that makes it a destination , not a place to crash along the way.

There's only one Edgefield (Troutdale, Oregon) - the jewel of this particular chain. Once a poor farm in the early part of the 1900's, the Edgefield is now a complex that is positively littered with things to do and see. The main building features a gift shop, a pool hall, a fine-dining restaurant and the majority of guest rooms. It also links you to the on-site winery. Then there's the Power Station, featuring a brew pub and a movie theater where you can enjoy a beer and a burger with your double-feature. There's an on-site brewery AND a distillery, where TPS demands that you try the Edgefield gin. It's peppery and piney and makes a fantastic Dutch Drop. Le Petit Ami de TPS prefers to spend most every moment in the Little Red Shed, the former incinerator-turned-teeny whiskey bar. It's almost completely covered in brambles and is the coziest place on earth. There are many other places to visit (Jerry's Ice House, the golf course, etc.) and TPS firmly believes it's Disneyland for Drunks. Even with that sentiment, it's still family-friendly. You can rent a whole cottage for you and the kiddies.

TPS has also visited the Olympic Club (Centralia, WA), a former Gentlemen's Club and brothel. Again, there's a pool hall and a comfy movie theater, but there are also two special booths in the pub that are still equipped with the buzzer that would call your lady of the night down to you. They're also beautifully appointed with Tiffany-style glass and dark woods, so they can be romantic, if a bit, well, naughty.

The St. Francis School in Bend, OR has a Turkish bath-inspired soaking pool that TPS is dying to check out. She also wants to share a drink with Petit Ami in the Detention Bar at the Kennedy School in Portland, OR. The McMenamin Brothers are opening more locations soon and TPS wants to see them all. She thinks they should sell passports so that you can collect stamps from every one that you visit, but until that day she will content herself with glassware from each hotel. Pint glasses are products, too!