TPS promised her former roommate (and dear, dear bunny) that she would finally make public his favorite TPS beauty blunders, so here they are:
The Epilady Stories
With few exceptions, women have consistently searched for a 'better mousetrap', also known as 'long-lasting, painless body hair removal'. What some of us will do for hair-free legs and underarms! Well, la mère de TPS is no exception.
In the 90's, Maman purchased the Epilady. An electronic device designed to replace other methods of hair removal, it promised that, with repeated use, the hair would eventually cease to grow back. Well, if Maman was game, so was TPS!
After reading the instructions in their entirety, TPS sat on the floor and hunched over her right ankle. Moving the vibrating coiled springs in the recommended small circular motion, TPS started to feel terrible stinging as each leg hair was ripped out by the root. (Imagine a necklace plucking out a few fine hairs at the nape of your neck. Now multiply that by 1000.) Determined to suffer any amount of pain for long-lasting smoothness, TPS kept at it, becoming only slightly alarmed by the teeny red welts that were appearing in the plucked areas. Then, out of nowhere, WHOOONNNNNNGGGGG!!! TPS shrieked. While focused on the intense pain in her leg, TPS had failed to notice that her long hair had fallen out of the clip and, while dangling near the Epilady, got caught in the coils. Fortunately for TPS, the Epilady is only meant to yank out very short hairs, so TPS just turned off the contraption and extracted her locks from it unharmed. That sound still haunts TPS to this day.
Lest anyone think that only women-folk are susceptible to such marketing claims, let us examine the case of a certain male TPS knows. (A certain male relative, no less!) The aforementioned Gentlemen Relative was going through a shaved head phase. He would first use the clippers, then follow with a regular razor and shaving cream for a totally smooth pate.
One afternoon, when none of the ladies of the house were home, Gentleman Relative thought that if the Epilady was supposed to keep legs smoother longer, surely it would do the same to his scalp. He went up to the bathroom and proceeded to yank out every hair on his head. While it worked, his whole head turned bright red and started pounding painfully.
Maman arrived home shortly, only to find Gentleman Relative lying prone and moaning on the sofa, a cold wet towel wrapped around his head. She dissolved in laughter when he explained the source of his pain. He never did so again.
Confidential to P.B.: Hope you're satisfied now!
In the 90's, Maman purchased the Epilady. An electronic device designed to replace other methods of hair removal, it promised that, with repeated use, the hair would eventually cease to grow back. Well, if Maman was game, so was TPS!
After reading the instructions in their entirety, TPS sat on the floor and hunched over her right ankle. Moving the vibrating coiled springs in the recommended small circular motion, TPS started to feel terrible stinging as each leg hair was ripped out by the root. (Imagine a necklace plucking out a few fine hairs at the nape of your neck. Now multiply that by 1000.) Determined to suffer any amount of pain for long-lasting smoothness, TPS kept at it, becoming only slightly alarmed by the teeny red welts that were appearing in the plucked areas. Then, out of nowhere, WHOOONNNNNNGGGGG!!! TPS shrieked. While focused on the intense pain in her leg, TPS had failed to notice that her long hair had fallen out of the clip and, while dangling near the Epilady, got caught in the coils. Fortunately for TPS, the Epilady is only meant to yank out very short hairs, so TPS just turned off the contraption and extracted her locks from it unharmed. That sound still haunts TPS to this day.
Lest anyone think that only women-folk are susceptible to such marketing claims, let us examine the case of a certain male TPS knows. (A certain male relative, no less!) The aforementioned Gentlemen Relative was going through a shaved head phase. He would first use the clippers, then follow with a regular razor and shaving cream for a totally smooth pate.
One afternoon, when none of the ladies of the house were home, Gentleman Relative thought that if the Epilady was supposed to keep legs smoother longer, surely it would do the same to his scalp. He went up to the bathroom and proceeded to yank out every hair on his head. While it worked, his whole head turned bright red and started pounding painfully.
Maman arrived home shortly, only to find Gentleman Relative lying prone and moaning on the sofa, a cold wet towel wrapped around his head. She dissolved in laughter when he explained the source of his pain. He never did so again.
Confidential to P.B.: Hope you're satisfied now!
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